Hey there! This post is a story that I have been waiting nine months to tell. It’s the first time that I am going to put my experience into words and tell the story of the best day of my life. It is a day that has forever changed my life for the better and I can’t wait to share the details with all of you. I’m going to go into some TMI details so if you aren’t interested, skip over them. Just warning you now.
As I mentioned numerous times, I was under a lot of stress and anxiety with my job. It only got worse leading up to me leaving for maternity leave and I am still going through a lot. I decided that I was going to take the week before I was due off just so I could decompress and get some last-minute things done in the nursery. We did the maternity pictures on the Saturday after my last day and then that Monday, August 11th, started my first week of leave.
I remember watching the Today Show that Monday and seeing that it was the anchor Savannah’s last day before her baby was due. It was a coincidence that it was her last day and that was my first day of maternity leave. She was due at the end of August just like I was but ended up delivering that Wednesday. I wondered to myself if that would happen to me. I had quite a few things that I needed to get done that week which included a trip to Ikea. Ikea is pretty far from my house but I wanted to go there to get something for the nursery. I ended up going and did a lot of walking while I was there. I was glad I didn’t go into labor while I was there.
The whole week, I wasn’t feeling all that great. That Wednesday night, Mike and I took a baby basics class where they taught you basic baby care. I was the furthest along in the class but I was really glad that we decided to take it. It gave us some tips that we didn’t know and made us feel more prepared.
On Thursday, August 14th, for some reason I finally decided to do something that I had been waiting my whole pregnancy to do. I wanted to record a video of myself pregnant talking to my daughter and just telling her a few things so that years from now she can go back and watch it and see when I was pregnant with her. I did that in the morning and took a picture of myself. Little did I know that it would be one of the last pictures of myself pregnant.
I had my OB appointment in the afternoon and Melissa came with me and waited in the waiting room. The midwife said that there was no progress being made and I made an appointment for the following week on my due date for an ultrasound and a non-stress test. I walked into the waiting room and told Melissa the news. We went upon our day and spent the rest of the afternoon together. I got home and Mike and I had dinner together. After dinner, Mike’s cousin who just so happens to live around the corner from us asked if she could stop by to see us and see the nursery. She was at our house for a little while and then Mike and I got settled and watched Big Brother.
The entire time we were watching Big Brother, it felt like the baby was doing somersaults in my belly and was kicking me really hard. She was extremely active and Mike and I watched her from the outside of my belly because she was moving so much. I went to the bathroom during a commercial which was around 9:50pm. I walked outside of the bathroom towards the sofa and all of a sudden I said “oh my god.” I went back into the bathroom and saw and felt that I was losing the mucus plug. I didn’t think too much of this because I know that most of the time when you lose it, it doesn’t mean you are going into labor. It could be days/weeks before you give birth. So I told Mike and then we decided to start getting ready for bed. Well, it didn’t end there. I started to feel leaking that wasn’t stopping, in addition to the mucus. I couldn’t believe this was happening!
I called the midwife on call. This was around 11pm. She said that it sounded like I was just losing the mucus plug. If I soaked through an entire pad then to call her back because that meant my water was breaking. So I told Mike, let’s try getting some sleep and seeing what happens. I laid down and fell asleep for an hour. I woke up to a completely soaked pad with no end of the leaking in sight. I started to feel cramping which felt like contractions. I woke Mike up and called the midwife again. She said to call back when my contractions were 5 minutes apart. So in the meantime, I started packing my hospital bag. Yes, I know, I should have been packed way ahead of time but I wasn’t. I had everything together for the baby but not myself. So Mike and I started running around the house like two idiots trying to get everything together. I still kept thinking that we were going to get sent home from the hospital and this wasn’t going to happen yet. I started freaking out and getting really nervous. Was I ready to become a mom now? I thought I was going to have more time to get things together. The nursery wasn’t complete yet either.
Finally the contractions were 5 minutes apart and we headed to the hospital. We got there around 4am and I decided that I was going to walk from the car to the front of the hospital. Don’t ask me why I thought I should do this when I was having contractions and in pain. By the time I walked into the maternity triage, my pants were completely soaked from the amniotic fluid. I was so embarrassed but at that point it all went out the door because I knew giving birth everyone was going to see embarrassing things the entire time. I might as well get started now. A nurse came into the bathroom with me and did a test on the pad to see if the liquid was amniotic fluid. That it was! She told me that I would be having a baby today. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening, exactly one week early. I turned 39 Weeks on Friday, August 15th. The nurse told me that it’s very rare for you to lose your mucus plug and have your water break at the same time. It only happens in about 30% of women and she congratulated me for being in that 30%.
They brought us to the labor and delivery room and we made ourselves comfortable. Well as comfortable as I could possibly get at this point. I changed out of my clothes and put on a hospital gown. My contractions were becoming more intense at this point but I was determined to labor naturally for as long as I possibly could. The amniotic fluid just kept leaking and leaking like a leaky faucet. I was told that is what happens up until you give birth. It just keeps leaking. I thought it comes out and then that is it. Apparently that is not the case. I was given a lot of IV fluids because I was pretty dehydrated.
Mike and I let our families know that I was in labor and to be on call for when to come to the hospital. I also let my friend, Courtney’s mom know that we were at the hospital because she works there and wanted to know when we were there.
I was in a ton of pain at this point and the nurses were telling me different things to try with each contraction. Mike would watch the machine and let me know when a contraction was coming. I can’t even put into words how intense contractions feel and how to get through them when you are having one. It was the worst pain that I had ever felt in my life. I decided that I was going to walk around the hallways to see if it would help me during the contractions. I found myself collapsing on Mike during each contraction. They were REALLY intense. I tried the rocking chair in the room which helped a little bit. Courtney’s mom came in to see us and it was so hard to have a conversation with someone when in this intense amount of pain. Luckily, she understood and left after a few minutes after checking on us.
The nurses kept checking for progress and I was stuck around 1-2 cm dilated for a while. I was so happy when the midwife walked in because it was my favorite one from the practice who just so happened to be on call that day. I was so happy to see her and knew that we were going to be in good hands with her taking care of me. She let me see if I could progress more by myself before giving drugs but that wasn’t happening. I finally decided to take some pain medicine in the meantime. The pain medicine made me feel so loopy and tired. I can’t even remember what I was saying to people at that point and I fell asleep for an hour or two. When I woke, the contractions were extremely intense to the point that I just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt disappointed in myself that I couldn’t do the labor naturally and finally decided to take the epidural. I was upset and scared about the epidural but the anesthesiologist calmed me down and made me realize that I was still having a natural birth. I was just getting rid of the pain so that I’d be able to push when I needed to.
I was started on Pitocin to move things along and then was given the epidural. I felt immediate relief but I could feel the catheter. They need to insert a catheter because you are not allowed to get up to use the bathroom. That was the most uncomfortable part of all. I was feeling the catheter because the epidural wasn’t strong enough. So they came back and gave me more. All I felt at this point was pressure during a contraction. I didn’t feel all of the pain.
At this point, it was around 5-5:30pm and I was getting restless feeling like we were never going to have our baby. I had been in labor for over 20 some hours at this point and I was exhausted. When I was getting ready to give up, I started feeling a ton of pressure on my bottom. I told the nurse that it felt like I had to poop. Gross, I know but that is what it felt like. The nurse grabbed the midwife to check me and she yelled, I see the head!! It’s time to have your baby! I literally couldn’t believe what I just heard. Everyone started rushing around like crazy in the room to get things together.
Mike and I looked at each other and realized that this was the moment we had both been waiting for. I couldn’t believe that my dream of becoming a mother and holding our baby in my arms was actually going to happen. I started getting really nervous and hyperventilating. The midwife put oxygen on me so it would be easier for me to breathe. Then it was time to push. Pushing was so intense and took a LOT out of me. I was already tired for laboring naturally for as long as I did. Looking back on things, I should have taken the epidural early on so I would have had more energy to push.
There were 2 nurses in the room, my midwife and Mike. All of them were coaching me along and cheering me on. If it wasn’t for them saying the things that they did to me and helping me along, I don’t think I would have been able to push for as long as I did. Mike was helping me the entire time and was completely involved. I kept hearing the midwife say that she has a ton of brown hair, just like me. I wanted to see her so badly! I kept getting so frustrated throughout pushing because it felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. I don’t know what came over me but I suddenly got a burst of energy and she finally came out! It took an hour of solid pushing before our baby was born. She didn’t cry when she was born and I started getting upset because I thought that is what babies are supposed to do. They assured me that not all babies cry when they are born. Trust me, she definitely has a nice set of lungs that she uses daily.
They put her on my chest and I instantly fell in love. After everything that I was told my whole life about possibly not being able to ever have a baby and having that miscarriage, my dream finally came true and I was holding her in my arms.
Meet Brielle Madelyn
She was born at 6:37pm on August 15th, weighing 7lbs 3oz and 20.5″ long. I never knew that I could feel so much love instantly. She looked directly into my eyes and at that moment I knew that I was meant to be a mom. After her birth, I was feeling pretty rough. She ended up giving me a 1st degree tear so I had to be stitched. That was extremely unpleasant and made for a LONG recovery. I was grateful that it was only a 1st degree but it was still intense and very painful. It was a lengthy process when wanting to use the bathroom. I am finally just starting to feel better from the tear. Am I still wearing maternity clothes? Unfortunately yes. I’m hoping to get back into my normal clothing soon. Brielle is worth it though and I would go through all of it again just to have her in my arms.
After I delivered, our families came to meet their new family member. At that point, I started feeling very strange like I was going to pass out. I have never felt like that before. I couldn’t see straight, I felt loopy, nauseous and in pain. It made for a really rough night. I couldn’t even manage to make it out of bed and felt disappointed in the fact that I could barely take care of Brielle the first night of us having her in our life. Luckily, Mike did everything that first night and gave me time the next morning to be alone with her and have the moments with her that I didn’t get to when she was born because of how I was feeling.
We stayed at the hospital until Sunday, which just so happened to be our 2nd wedding anniversary! Talk about an exciting weekend. It felt surreal being able to celebrate our wedding anniversary as a family of three. Now each year for her birthday, we will be able to celebrate our anniversary only a few days later. She was definitely the best anniversary present anyone could ask for.
It’s been a huge adjustment to having a baby and she has had some digestive issues which have been really scary and hard to handle. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Watching your newborn baby projectile vomiting is a sight that you hope you never have to see. It’s even worse watching a baby lay in a hospital bed having an ultrasound and thinking the worst. I am glad that she just has a milk allergy, acid reflux and bad gas but it was a long road to get to that diagnosis. If I could take away any pain from her, I would in a heartbeat. She means everything to us.
It’s not always rainbows and butterflies but when she looks me directly in the eyes and now gives me a huge gummy smile, I know that everything is going to be okay. The worst part of everything is dealing with the work situation that I have mentioned. There is a lot going on and it is extremely stressful and gives me anxiety. It’s going to be process to handle what is happening and I am hopeful that it will all work out for the best. In the meantime, I am home and learning how to take care of this little girl who has us wrapped around her fingers.
I wanted to say thank you for following along during my pregnancy journey. It has meant a lot to me. I am planning on focusing my blog more on being a mom, baby related things, and my everyday life. This is who I am now and I am proud to be a mom and want to share with other moms and help as much as I can.
I am going to share some of Brielle’s newborn photos, along with her 1st month recap. It’s hard to believe that she will be 2 months old soon. Being a mom is definitely a learning process and I am learning as much as I possibly can. It is probably the hardest thing that I have ever done. There are a lot of really hard moments but there are also some really rewarding ones. Brielle has forever changed my life and I couldn’t imagine it without her.
“A baby fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty.”
“Motherhood is the greatest thing and hardest thing”
“A baby makes love stronger, the days shorter, the nights longer, savings smaller and a home happier”